Our blended family: Even with time, goodbyes don’t get easier

I begin mourning him leaving the day he gets back home. The pain of him leaving hits me at the beginning of the week he has to leave. My quiet tears throughout the week are later accompanied by the sadness in his face, his long hugs, our silence speaking the inevitable. He tells me he will miss us over and over again in words, in his constant affection, in his sad eyes, in tiny scribbles on colored paper. Sharing him is so hard to do.

I watch him bounce back and forth from our life to his other life, from his other life, right back to ours, his sleepy little eyes dry then wet behind his dark rim glasses. The comfort of home seems elusive, slippery. None of the grown-ups that make decisions for him have any idea what he’s truly going through, still he loves us for loving him. He is patient beyond his years when really what he deserves is to linger in the innocence of childhood for as long as his young years will allow.

When he is gone, his little brother still waits for him behind the window, watching, waiting for him to walk up the sidewalk. He is still too young to understand the coming and going, the shared space between all of us.

His life is complicated. There is this broken chord, this wiry strand that stands between all of us who love him. He is floating uneasy in this lonely space, where children say what they need to say to survive their pain, to just get through their complicated childhoods. He is bound to the back and forth, and still, there is not enough of him to go around, yet there is plenty of him to love forever.

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Categories: Misc.

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