In love and blue

My husband Alfonso, wears his pride on his sleeve, over his eyes, like my father, like his father. Love in this modern day, fast life is different. While Alfonso and I tote our degrees and life experience in our back pockets, there is comfort in what we already know, where we’ve come from, as we still love each other with remnants of our blue-collar hearts, the past of our parents dangles in the present us. What will it take for love to survive this vast and unpredictable new narrative of our time? I suspect redefining, reclaiming that murky line between working hard and loving harder.

Years ago, when we met, standing in the middle of the grocery store parking lot, there was a beautiful, painful, particular story just beginning. We found common ground that day, slow soothing Brazilian mood eased out of my speakers, his Portuguese was fresh and impressive, his Spanish rolled off of his Latin-Caribbean tongue. His warm brown eyes were sincere. There was identity shifting and dancing in the empty parking lot that day as our words lost track of time, bounced from midafternoon to early evening, then on to the rest of our lives. He looked into my eyes and raised his wonder in silence as I responded in the same way.

In this day of the instant and ambiguous, racing feeds and constant status updates, it’s hard to make time for the sublime, the simple low-tech moments in life and love that weather the time. It’s hard to imagine how to keep up with love when the world is changing rapidly, constantly around us. Sometimes I wonder where our love will be in 10, 20 years, and wonder where our love came from 10, 20 years ago.

Alfonso and I were born of worn hands, long hours, and latchkeys hanging from our necks. We love in an old school blue, as in the color of our moods as they are steady in sway finding themselves in each other over and over again. Blue, as in the way we were raised. We were both born the oldest into big families, modest upbringings, crowded rooms. Our fathers loved us from a distance, with working hands and towering voices, leaving scars on our hearts—the hearts we’re now supposed to figure out how to love each other with today and forever.


  1. This is a good one for thinking about love within the continuum of our lives. I like what you say about rewriting our narratives because that is so important – the story gets better every time as our persepctive changes – hopefully, it gets better! The story I told you about the covers is one such example of that – I can laugh about it now and that is the best outcome of these transformations!!

    Thinking about how our childhoods connect with the “now” and the “how” of our love relationships is very important- a reckoning. The retelling is the healing. Thank you!

    1. Thank you Melinda. I’ve found that talking (like yesterday) and writing about our identities, insights, and then “transformations” is the way to peel away the layers (of pain, confusion, or anything else hiding beneath the surface). I love the story about the covers…that was priceless (I’m laughing right now as I write :)). I can relate so much–we all have those kinds of moments don’t we? LOL!

      I hadn’t realized how much of my childhood has shown up in my adult life. It is remarkable how what I can sometimes barely remember is ingrained in my identity, my actions, my perceptions and perspectives. But what I have realized about “love” is that we can decide how we want to love, who we want to love, and how we’d like to be loved. I don’t know that I had this understanding as a young adult and I definitely could not have imagined the variance and shades of love as a child watching my parents and other couples around me. I believe wholeheartedly we have a choice in love, and that choice might mean all of the difference in how our lives (as it relates to love) unfolds.

      Thank you for your insights Melinda. You are wise and we are learning aren’t we?

      Feel free to subscribe to this blog (the subscribe button is on the left side of the front page). Thanks again for the support and for the dialogue. I’d like to think my writing is about relating to our human condition, our human narrative, and I am so glad that you and others can relate, are receptive, supportive, and are also sharing some of your own stories. I want this blog to be a thoughtful space to be able to do that. Let’s keep the conversation and the sharing going…

      Thank you!

    1. Yes, he is in there isn’t he? It’s interesting, I think we learn (to love) from what we see and don’t see. Fortunately, we have an opportunity to rewrite our narratives, our “love stories”, our beginnings and endings.

Have a comment or reply?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s